six_word_stories | (no subject)

I don't try to get myself killed, Ratchet! [Pearlclutch. ] Someone's gotta do the dangerous work. Why not me?

[Speaking of 'dangerous work', the epic battle for the datapad enters round two. Not getting this away from him THAT easy!]

I'm an open book, Ratchet! What are you hiding?

Maybe because you're too important to put yourself in harm's way- repeatedly- for no real gain.

[Wait, that almost sounded sentimental. Can't have that.]

Rodimus wouldn't know what to do without you. This damn ship is barely holding itself together as is.

[Don't you dare underestimate how hard he is willing to fight over truly petty matters. Including the datapad.]

The only thing I'm hiding is gruesomely detailed scans of every injury you've sustained this whole time we've been out here- I'm really not sure what you're expecting from a medical datapad.

What? [Blink blink clueless blink.] Ratchet, I'm not important. You are. Rodimus is. Ultra Magnus, even. I'm just one of a million soldiers.

[He's not going to refute that stuff about Rodimus. Because he kind of can't. ]

Oh. Ewwww. [Yeah, living through some of his injuries was bad enough. He's not fond of a revisit. He holds the datapad at arm's length.] Including the Red Rust?

[Pot, meet kettle.]

Again, command officer. And the war's over, anyhow, nobody's just one of a million soldiers anymore.

[He'll gladly take the opportunity to snatch that datapad back.]

Of course. You won't believe how much research I collected on what exactly it feels like to have your eyes melt.

[Mostly joking. But not entirely.]

Yeah, but [Uncomfortable wriggle. ] Fighting's the only thing I've ever been good at! Everyone else has civilian jobs they can do. I don't.

[Saddest of sad faces. He doesn't even stop Ratchet from grabbing the datapad back. ]

That's...not really how I want you to remember. [All eyemelty and stuff. ]

Not everyone has a civilian job... and even those who do aren’t exactly well-adjusted enough to work much these days. You’re hardly the only one at a loss of what else there is to do- I get the feeling that’s the only reason there’s more than a handful of us on this very ship.

[Reintegrating to society after a lifetime of war is much more difficult than joining a suicide mission with no real destination.]

Not much else to remember. Believe me, I don’t enjoy thinking about it either.

[Or much else of Delphi, for that matter.]

I know. And that's why I've appointed myself the civilian job of moral support for the head medic.

[Tada!! You're now his job!]

Okay, but while you're not thinking about the Red Rust, do me a favor and double not think about ME and the Red Rust?

Funny, I don't remember hiring you.

[And you're definitely not getting a paycheck.]

...Well, now that you mention it...

[He jokes, but the reality is he thinks of it quite often- it's hard to bring up Drift's tendency for self-sacrifice without thinking of him dragging his half-literal rusting corpse to the rooftop to save Ratchet. He chooses not to bring this up.]

Well, okay, maybe this is the job interview.

[GRIN. He's totally nailing it, right?]

NOOOOOOOO. [What an unflattering image! He wasn't tough or badaft at all in Delphi. He was fine with dying, but not with, you know, melting his way into it. ] I looked--and smelled--gross!

Oh, well, in that case, it isn't going well.

[Preemptively fired.]

Then I guess it's a good thing my entire face was rusting off. Not many visuals to remember.

[Not gonna disagree about the smell, though. And he's half-lying; you started rusting before him so it's not like he wasn't there to see it.]

Why not? I'm cheerful. Hardworking. Loyal. What more could you want?

[Someone who obeys orders? Not his style, Ratchet!]

Phew. Good. Though, I have to admit, you really saved our afts back there.

[That whole solving the mystery thing? Yeah, Drift would never have done that!]

I don't want anything. That's the problem.

[Drift you can't just volunteer yourself for a job position before it even exists.]

I... just know Pharma well.

[Unfortunately.]

But everyone was incredibly collected under pressure. You all did just as fine.

Come on, Ratchet. Everyone wants something. Someone to warm up some energon for you in the morning? Arrange your appointments for the day? Clean up your...uh...whatever this stuff is? [Medical equipment stuff and why does it all look like it goes places he doesn't want to think about?]

Ratchet. You will accept gratitude or....[Or ELSE!]

The fact that you can't even name any of the medical equipment is reason enough not to hire you to work here. In a medical bay.

[Dismissive hand-wave.]

I'm good. Thanks.

Hey I can name all of this stuff. If I wanted.

This? This is a de, uh, deglobbinator. And this is a size six flagellabulator.

A-and this one? Uh, this is Steve.

[Yeah? Yeah? You impressed? ]

[Just. Deadpan staring for several seconds.]

I think you've been spending too much time around Rodimus.

[Hey, he thought he was doing good!]

Well, I could be spending time with you~!

You could... if you had succeeded at the job interview. You know. The one you just failed.

[DROOP. But nothing keeps Drift down for long. ]

But this was just, you know, the practice interview! Now, you give me feedback on what I need to fix!

[That's totally how this works.]

[Dear Primus, he just never quits.]

Why are you so adamant about this?

[ He's been fighting a war for six million years, Ratchet. Persistence is his middle name. DriPersistenceft. ]

....because I like you?

[?????? Sounds fake.]

I'm not sure that there's anyone on this ship you don't like.

[But he doesn't see you going around pestering them for fake job interviews.]

Uh.... [ He leans forward, conspiratorially. ]

Well, Ultra Magnus kind of scares me.

And I'm not really that fond of Brainstorm.

[See? Now they've Shared Secrets ^tm: FRANDS.]

Can't say I blame you. Anybody with a lick of common sense is scared of Ultra Magnus.

[And with good reason. He's got no comment on Brainstorm, but Brainstorm's always been suspicious at best and outright dangerous at worst. He's still better than Whirl, in Ratchet's book, but it's a close contest. Guess you've got better judgement of character than he thought.

...And you're not wrong but he won't admit to it over his dead body.]

Rodimus isn't.

[Oh, wait, that actually proves Ratchet's point. HMMMMMM.]

So. [GRIN.] What can I help you with?