six_word_stories | (no subject)

Funny, I don't remember hiring you.

[And you're definitely not getting a paycheck.]

...Well, now that you mention it...

[He jokes, but the reality is he thinks of it quite often- it's hard to bring up Drift's tendency for self-sacrifice without thinking of him dragging his half-literal rusting corpse to the rooftop to save Ratchet. He chooses not to bring this up.]

Well, okay, maybe this is the job interview.

[GRIN. He's totally nailing it, right?]

NOOOOOOOO. [What an unflattering image! He wasn't tough or badaft at all in Delphi. He was fine with dying, but not with, you know, melting his way into it. ] I looked--and smelled--gross!

Oh, well, in that case, it isn't going well.

[Preemptively fired.]

Then I guess it's a good thing my entire face was rusting off. Not many visuals to remember.

[Not gonna disagree about the smell, though. And he's half-lying; you started rusting before him so it's not like he wasn't there to see it.]

Why not? I'm cheerful. Hardworking. Loyal. What more could you want?

[Someone who obeys orders? Not his style, Ratchet!]

Phew. Good. Though, I have to admit, you really saved our afts back there.

[That whole solving the mystery thing? Yeah, Drift would never have done that!]

I don't want anything. That's the problem.

[Drift you can't just volunteer yourself for a job position before it even exists.]

I... just know Pharma well.

[Unfortunately.]

But everyone was incredibly collected under pressure. You all did just as fine.

Come on, Ratchet. Everyone wants something. Someone to warm up some energon for you in the morning? Arrange your appointments for the day? Clean up your...uh...whatever this stuff is? [Medical equipment stuff and why does it all look like it goes places he doesn't want to think about?]

Ratchet. You will accept gratitude or....[Or ELSE!]

The fact that you can't even name any of the medical equipment is reason enough not to hire you to work here. In a medical bay.

[Dismissive hand-wave.]

I'm good. Thanks.

Hey I can name all of this stuff. If I wanted.

This? This is a de, uh, deglobbinator. And this is a size six flagellabulator.

A-and this one? Uh, this is Steve.

[Yeah? Yeah? You impressed? ]

[Just. Deadpan staring for several seconds.]

I think you've been spending too much time around Rodimus.

[Hey, he thought he was doing good!]

Well, I could be spending time with you~!

You could... if you had succeeded at the job interview. You know. The one you just failed.

[DROOP. But nothing keeps Drift down for long. ]

But this was just, you know, the practice interview! Now, you give me feedback on what I need to fix!

[That's totally how this works.]

[Dear Primus, he just never quits.]

Why are you so adamant about this?

[ He's been fighting a war for six million years, Ratchet. Persistence is his middle name. DriPersistenceft. ]

....because I like you?

[?????? Sounds fake.]

I'm not sure that there's anyone on this ship you don't like.

[But he doesn't see you going around pestering them for fake job interviews.]

Uh.... [ He leans forward, conspiratorially. ]

Well, Ultra Magnus kind of scares me.

And I'm not really that fond of Brainstorm.

[See? Now they've Shared Secrets ^tm: FRANDS.]

Can't say I blame you. Anybody with a lick of common sense is scared of Ultra Magnus.

[And with good reason. He's got no comment on Brainstorm, but Brainstorm's always been suspicious at best and outright dangerous at worst. He's still better than Whirl, in Ratchet's book, but it's a close contest. Guess you've got better judgement of character than he thought.

...And you're not wrong but he won't admit to it over his dead body.]

Rodimus isn't.

[Oh, wait, that actually proves Ratchet's point. HMMMMMM.]

So. [GRIN.] What can I help you with?