Oh. Gosh. [Ashley lets go and takes a step back. It's good to have him hug her.]
That's really bad, Josh. [No fucking wonder.] Uhm- I don't know where to start- when we used the spirit board... was that you moving it?
[Maybe getting the answers to some of these questions will help her eventually forgive him. The academic side of her was pretty damn impressed with how he'd managed to set the whole thing up. It was a work of creative genius. It was awful and terrible to be a part of, but the details he'd gotten... Uncanny.]
[The meds kept him so dull. Wouldn't let him feel, wouldn't let him focus on what needed to be done. It was exhausting keeping up the facsimile of normal when you're on enough anti-psychotics to knock out a fucking horse.
Faking being an average college age guy when all that's inside is static and muffled sadness and rage. But throw away the medicine? It's like breaking the surface for the first time in years. Being able to appreciate the looks of his friends without playing along. Being able to laugh and mean it. The hallucinations and the voices. The paranoia telling him it has to be done they deserve this they did this he has to make it right.]
Yeah. I rigged all that stuff up. Ordered fake newspapers. Set up the projector to make that fake ghost girl. I studied everything my old man ever did for a a year, putting all of it together. No detail too small.
[It was neurotic. And for a while, the doing was all that mattered. Not the end goal. It was just something to keep him from suicide. Something to occupy his time. In the end, it had taken throwing away his meds and knowingly suffering the withdrawal side effects to make him go through with it.]
I was up there. As often as I could get up. Some of the prop work and special effects I could rig up at the house and then just set them up there after, but a lot of it?
[Like the fake corpse, for example. His parents might have had issue with that.]
[Ashley chuckles nervously.] Yeah- Chris and I saw that... We saw the stack of newspapers, your catalogue for saws and lightbulbs- [She winces. The sound of an electric saw is always going to scare the shit out of her now, and she can practically hear it.]
We should have done a better job, checking in with you. [They'd all wanted to forget that weekend.]
What about Mike and Jess? And Matt and Emily? What did you have planned for all of them?
I tried to kill myself, after. You remember the week I was hospitalized? That's why. Chris and Sam were the only ones who knew. I tried so fucking hard to be normal.
Fit in like I was supposed to.
[Her question makes Josh pause again and lick at his lips. His prank made no sense considering how much of it relied on scaring Chris and Sam--the two people who had nothing to do with the Prank that lead to his sisters' deaths. If it really was all about Revenge, that is.
But it wasn't.]
They already wrote me off, Ashley. I didn't need to make them hate me. Sam and Chris...they're the ones who'd be hurt. If I...
[Ashley nearly rushes forward again, but stops herself once more. He probably needed the space, at least right now, anyway.]
Josh... I never knew. I'm so, so sorry. I've been such a shitty friend. If I could go back and change it all, I would.
[She pauses, his words catching up with her.] Wait- I was bait? For Chris? [The deeper implications, who did what during what part of the prank- she couldn't even remember who's idea it was in the first place (probably Emily)- none of that was on the forefront of her mind. he was talking about Chris, and that was her now-boyfriend he was talking about.]
--- [ooc: okay so I love them. But I also wanted you to know that I am currently writing this in a secluded cabin in the middle of the woods in Wisconsin. It is 11 PM. 7 hours until dawn.]
Chris and I have been attached at the hip since third fuckin' grade, Ashley. I'm selfish but I ain't stupid. M-makin' him not miss me--setting him up with you.
[He's crying and doesn't even realize it.]
At least then he wouldn't be alone. He'd have someone better.
ooc: nope, I'm currently rping from the afterlife.
[He knows the plan didn't work out that way. Knows that NOW. At the time it seemed like a pretty good setup. Play the villain. Hook Chris up with Ashley, let her see just how brave and badass his best bro is when push comes to shove. Let her see everything Josh has already known about Chris that makes him the best person around.
Let everyone see just how protective and sturdy Sam is. Make sure neither of them will miss Josh. That the others can convince them finally to forget about him. That he deserves all of it and more. That they'll take care of those two--those two who deserve all the praise and love and more.]
Course it...
[His eyes go wide when she brushes away his tears as though he's just realized they were there.]
It didn't turn out that way. I couldn't even make you hate me and we weren't even all that close out of everyone in the group.
[It was a good set-up. If they got married, they'd have the weirdest fucking stories for grandkids when it came to 'How I started dating your other grandparent'. So, thanks for that.
Ashley kicks at the ground with the sole of her Converse.]
If it helps, I really wanted to. But I don't hate you. I'm mad at you, really really mad, but I don't hate you.
[Total mission failure. Even at the end, josh is still the only one who hates himself the way he wanted them to. They aren't as bad as his paranoia told him they were. Big shocker there, learning his crazy would lie to him like that.]
So, what now? For you I mean. I got my...not plan exactly. But I'm sorted I guess.
no subject
That's really bad, Josh. [No fucking wonder.] Uhm- I don't know where to start- when we used the spirit board... was that you moving it?
[Maybe getting the answers to some of these questions will help her eventually forgive him. The academic side of her was pretty damn impressed with how he'd managed to set the whole thing up. It was a work of creative genius. It was awful and terrible to be a part of, but the details he'd gotten... Uncanny.]
no subject
Couldn't go through with it otherwise.
[The meds kept him so dull. Wouldn't let him feel, wouldn't let him focus on what needed to be done. It was exhausting keeping up the facsimile of normal when you're on enough anti-psychotics to knock out a fucking horse.
Faking being an average college age guy when all that's inside is static and muffled sadness and rage. But throw away the medicine? It's like breaking the surface for the first time in years. Being able to appreciate the looks of his friends without playing along. Being able to laugh and mean it.
The hallucinations and the voices. The paranoia telling him it has to be done they deserve this they did this he has to make it right.]Yeah. I rigged all that stuff up. Ordered fake newspapers. Set up the projector to make that fake ghost girl. I studied everything my old man ever did for a a year, putting all of it together. No detail too small.
[It was neurotic. And for a while, the doing was all that mattered. Not the end goal. It was just something to keep him from suicide. Something to occupy his time. In the end, it had taken throwing away his meds and knowingly suffering the withdrawal side effects to make him go through with it.]
no subject
Wow. How long did it take? You said no one had been up in a year- after the cops cleared out. You arrived at the same time as all of us... didn't you?
no subject
[Shrug.]
I was up there. As often as I could get up. Some of the prop work and special effects I could rig up at the house and then just set them up there after, but a lot of it?
[Like the fake corpse, for example. His parents might have had issue with that.]
I used my old man's workshop in the basement.
no subject
We should have done a better job, checking in with you. [They'd all wanted to forget that weekend.]
What about Mike and Jess? And Matt and Emily? What did you have planned for all of them?
no subject
[Josh's voice grows quiet.]
I tried to kill myself, after. You remember the week I was hospitalized? That's why. Chris and Sam were the only ones who knew. I tried so fucking hard to be normal.
Fit in like I was supposed to.
[Her question makes Josh pause again and lick at his lips. His prank made no sense considering how much of it relied on scaring Chris and Sam--the two people who had nothing to do with the Prank that lead to his sisters' deaths. If it really was all about Revenge, that is.
But it wasn't.]
They already wrote me off, Ashley. I didn't need to make them hate me. Sam and Chris...they're the ones who'd be hurt. If I...
I had to make it so they'd never miss me.
no subject
Josh... I never knew. I'm so, so sorry. I've been such a shitty friend. If I could go back and change it all, I would.
[She pauses, his words catching up with her.] Wait- I was bait? For Chris? [The deeper implications, who did what during what part of the prank- she couldn't even remember who's idea it was in the first place (probably Emily)- none of that was on the forefront of her mind. he was talking about Chris, and that was her now-boyfriend he was talking about.]
---
[ooc: okay so I love them. But I also wanted you to know that I am currently writing this in a secluded cabin in the middle of the woods in Wisconsin. It is 11 PM. 7 hours until dawn.]
OOC: pls tell me you made it
[He gives a helpless sort of shrug.]
Chris and I have been attached at the hip since third fuckin' grade, Ashley. I'm selfish but I ain't stupid. M-makin' him not miss me--setting him up with you.
[He's crying and doesn't even realize it.]
At least then he wouldn't be alone. He'd have someone better.
ooc: nope, I'm currently rping from the afterlife.
He's crying and it's wringing Ashley's heart into a fine pulp.]
He still was going to miss you, even with me. A girlfriend can't replace a best friend, Josh.
[She reaches up to gingerly wipe away his tears.]
good to know the afterlife has good wifi
[He knows the plan didn't work out that way. Knows that NOW. At the time it seemed like a pretty good setup. Play the villain. Hook Chris up with Ashley, let her see just how brave and badass his best bro is when push comes to shove. Let her see everything Josh has already known about Chris that makes him the best person around.
Let everyone see just how protective and sturdy Sam is. Make sure neither of them will miss Josh. That the others can convince them finally to forget about him. That he deserves all of it and more. That they'll take care of those two--those two who deserve all the praise and love and more.]
Course it...
[His eyes go wide when she brushes away his tears as though he's just realized they were there.]
It didn't turn out that way. I couldn't even make you hate me and we weren't even all that close out of everyone in the group.
oh yeah
Ashley kicks at the ground with the sole of her Converse.]
If it helps, I really wanted to. But I don't hate you. I'm mad at you, really really mad, but I don't hate you.
no subject
[Total mission failure. Even at the end, josh is still the only one who hates himself the way he wanted them to. They aren't as bad as his paranoia told him they were. Big shocker there, learning his crazy would lie to him like that.]
So, what now? For you I mean. I got my...not plan exactly. But I'm sorted I guess.
no subject
Well... Chris and I are together. For real. So there's that. I don't know, other than that.